The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 11 "The Switch"

It's Christmas morning! The magic of the late night Christmas Eve service is still in the air and the long anticipated day is finally here. I sit up in bed, take a deep breath, stretch, and turn to look at the clock to see that it is... 10:47!? How did this happen???

When I was younger, the thought of sleeping in this late was ridiculous. How on earth could I continue to stay in bed when the reality of a stockpile of presents with my name on them was so much better than anything I could dream? I remember feeling like I was being punished because my parents had told me I had to stay in my room until 7 am. Once 7 am hit, I could not understand why my parents were acting so tired and worn out. Sure! They may have stayed up until 2 or 3 am making sure that all the presents were wrapped and under the tree, but 4 hours of sleep should be more than enough for the wonder of Christmas... right?

"Christmaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!!!" 

This was the story for most of my childhood Christmases, but then the switch happened. I'm sure you have all experienced it. The switch is that fateful year when you decide to forsake the excitement of Christmas for the relaxation and comfort of sleep. My first switch involved a four-hour swing. The year before, I had been up by around 7:30 am; the following year... 11:30!

It cannot be predicted when the switch will take place, but it will happen. But why does this happen? I used to think that it was because I was simply too old to get that excited about Christmas. I had matured. Now I realize, as I'm sure you do too, I'm not mature at all. The reason I stay in bed is for the same reason that I used to get out of bed so early. When I was younger, I actually had the power to manipulate when we opened presents. Earlier is better, so I would get up early to open presents sooner. As I got older, however, my powers of manipulation had faded. My older siblings had moved out of the house and there was no chance we would be opening gifts before noon. Thus, I slept in. Sleeping in meant that I could open presents sooner after waking.

Nice work, sleepy Gus. 

So if you happen to be feeling sad that you've lost some of your childhood excitement for Christmas, don't be. You're just playing the game better and getting your presents earlier in your day. Well done, Christmas sleeper. Well done. The Christmas Spirit is alive in you!

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 10 "It's Never Too Late"

The Christmas Eve 11 pm church service is one of my favorites of the entire year. There is this odd magic and peacefulness to the whole experience. Growing up in Iowa, my family had its routine. Most of Christmas Eve day was filled with either getting last minute stuff taken care of or sitting around watching movies. Once evening came, we would head over to a family friend's house for their annual Christmas party. This was one of those adult parties where the cookies are a bit too dry, the punch is good but not great, and everyone is spreading a substance on crackers that look to have no business being on a food table. The people were nice enough, but this was no place for a young boy. I felt out of place and awkward.

Then my whole family would pile into the jeep and head to the church. On the way, my sister would be attempting to convince my folks to either skip church or at least turn off the Manheim Steamroller. (You know it's true, Leslie.) Meanwhile, my dad's eyes were already noticeably getting heavier and prepped for his long winter's nap. I on the other hand welcomed this late night service with open arms for a few reasons. First, it was a respite from the cheese log adult fest. Second, I was guaranteed to play with fire (love those tiny white candles). Finally, I just flat out liked it.

The church would be warmly lit, while outside the snow glowed with moonbeams. The air was crisp and cold. We sang songs that I knew and that even had a minor key. (Who doesn't love some O Come O Come Emmanuel?)

My favorite part, however, was walking out into the cold, still winter night after having just sang Silent Night. Even as a kid, I could feel the magnitude of this moment. I knew that this was no time to be loud or annoying. I understood that this was a time to sit still and wonder. Somehow, despite the anticipation of gifts and the normal chaos of the holiday season, a peace could be found, a stillness was available and a silent night could be possible.

I think it was in this moment that I would be reminded what the whole Christmas season was about. That in the midst of all the chaos and all the hardship and all the pain a peace can be born and was born that would transcend any power or being that would try to crush it.

So, it is my hope that you are able to attend such a service. It is my hope that you would have such a moment. It is my hope that this birth we celebrate tonight, would bring about a rebirth in you and that you would find peace on this silent night.

12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 9 "Keep It Real... Unbelievable"

What a cute night for Jesus!

I watched The Nativity a few weeks ago and it was a pretty well done movie. The makers of this film did a nice job of bringing a reality to this story that Christians have come to know so well. Sometimes I think the stories of the Bible can seem so fantastic and distant that we forget these were human beings facing very real problems (i.e. "Somebody help me deliver this baby!!!).

So although I appreciate the level of realism that this movie had to offer, I was greatly disappointed by what was lacking in one scene in particular. Near the end, an angel appears to the shepherds and tells them of Jesus' birth. Then the shepherds go find Jesus lying in a manger.

I know what your thinking, "Greg! That's exactly what happens in the Luke narrative." I know. I know. The problem is that they left out a big part.

"Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests,'" (Luke 2: 13-14).

Where was the great company? Where were the praises?

Less of this...

... more of this.

I am all for us taking time to consider the everyday and realistic nature of what happened on the day the Jesus was born, but come on! You gotta go big on this scene. I need the skies ripping open to set the stage for a multitude of heavenly hosts to start belting their praises to God. I need major special effects and CGI. I need THX and earth shaking sound systems. Mostly, I need to remember that this story of God coming to earth is both very real and completely spectacular... very familiar and completely holy... very human and completely divine.

"For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace," (Isaiah 9:6)

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 8 "The George Bailey"

"Hey Greg... I want a big one!

Because this is a "pub" blog, I felt like it was fitting that I should share with you the recipe to one of my favorite holiday drinks. I invented this cup of Christmas spirits in honor of my favorite Christmas movie. So enough yappin'! Let's get pourin'!

This is The George Bailey!

Here's what you'll need:

1 oz     - Bailey's Irish Cream (because it is a George "Bailey")

1/4 oz  - Jim Beam (because George Bailey is played by "Jimmy" Stewart)

"Please, please put coconut in it... HOT DOG!!!"

1/4 oz - Coconut Rum (because of that scene at the beginning of the movie where little George says to little Mary, "You don't like coconuts!? Look here brainless! Don't you know where coconuts come from?"... Great scene.)

1/4 oz  - Peppermint Schnapps

2 oz     - Chocolate Milk (because peppermint and chocolate tastes like Christmas)

Here's what you do:

Combine Bailey's, Jim, coconut rum, schnapps, and chocolate milk into a shaker half filled with ice. Shake contents for 15 seconds or until arm is tired. Pour strained contents into a small glass. Drink and enjoy!

It should taste like a chocolate-mint milk shake with a little bit of kick. I recommend enjoying this drink while watching the real George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. After a few of these, your life will probably be feeling pretty wonderful.

"Hello, Bedford Falls... I'm drunk!"

Merry Christmas!

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 7 "Programmed to Fail"

When I was younger, my church loved to do a Christmas program with the kids.  Usually this meant that there was a telling of the Biblical Christmas story, intertwined with Christmas hymns, as we performed our best interpretations of a shepherd or wise man in our fathers’ bathrobes. For some reason it was way cooler to be a shepherd. Probably because they got to where a badass shepherds’ bandana and carry a staff. If you happened to be a wise man, you at least hoped to be the one who was giving gold. What the heck is “Frankenstein” anyway? And nobody wanted to be Joseph. Boring!

"Errr... Even Frankincense no want be Joseph! ... Errrr!!!"

You may have grown up doing similar programs. I’m not sure why I don’t see these happen as much anymore, but perhaps thats a thought process for another blog. The reason I bring it up is because this annual program was predictable and easy. Sure we didn’t love doing it, but at least it required minimal effort… until one Christmas.

The adults had gotten together and decided it would be a good idea to try a new program. This was a full on children’s musical about how a Sherlock Holmes-like character discovers the meaning of Christmas. Guess who got to play the role of Sherlock? That’s right… little Greg Wallace Dolmage.

"It's mystery solving time, punks!"

Of course I loved all the attention, but then I found out I had to sing a solo. Holy crap! Not only did I have to memorize a bunch of lines, but I also had to sing a song from memory with no back up! It was a bit stressful.

Well, the big night came and I was as nervous as a pony in a glue factory. The show started and I was actually remembering my lines and people were laughing. Then came my big solo. It was a song called “Elementary,” in which I explain how simple it is to discover the truth to my good friend, Watstein. With a voice of an angel and a heart of a lion, I stood up to the microphone and knocked it out of the park… is what would have happened if I had not forgotten my lines...

… awkward.

It was miserable. My mind was a total blank as everyone shifted uncomfortably in their seats. All that could be heard was the crappy background music and me mumbling at the mic. I thought my life was over, but the show went on. At the after-party (meaning the church basement with dry cookies and fruit drink). I assumed that everybody was talking about and laughing at me, but after a while I realized that nobody seemed to care.

Now, as I sit here recounting this story as a 30-year-old man, I can’t help but think that this horrible moment may have been one of the best things to happen to me. It didn't break me. Sure! My pride took a hit, but life moved on. I failed and I was fine.

It is a silly thing to fear failure. What better way is there to grow, develop, and stay humble all at the same time? So for this Christmas, I wish you all many failures that will shape and develop you into quality people. It's not rocket science... it's elementary, my dear Watstein.

"Way to bring it back, Greg!"

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 6 "Albums I Have Heard On High"

Thank God for D-batteries

I'll admit it. Once Thanksgiving is done and Black Friday is upon us, I am pumping the Christmas jams like a berry farmer in December. I unashamedly own over 30 different Christmas albums and EPs. Thus, it only seemed appropriate to share with you five of my favorite albums early enough before Christmas that you too can buy them and enjoy them as December 25th approaches.

5. O Holy Night Tour - Live: The Prison Show by Sara Groves

Sara Groves is amazing and this album is no exception. Not all the songs on this album are Christmas songs, but the sing-along with a bunch of convicts at the end just gets me when I stop to think about

4. Christmas with the Rat Pack by Frank Sinatra/Dean Martin/Sammy Davis Jr.

Just classy. I mean some "put on your nice shoes and fill a glass with scotch" kind of classy.

3. Harry for the Holidays by Harry Connick, Jr.

Harry is a stud. He puts a jazzy, southern twist on these old standards that makes me want dance and eat some gumbo with a Santa hat firmly on my head.

2. Christmas...From the Realms of Glory by Bebo Norman

I hadn't purchased a Bebo Norman album in years. I was kind of over the whole Christian music scene, but I decided to give this album a shot and I am glad that I did. His mix of originals and remakes are sure to get you in the mood for both church and Christmas trees. Well done, Bebo. Well done.

1. Behold the Lamb of God by Andrew Peterson

For the last few years, this has been my favorite Christmas album. I make a point of listening through the whole thing at least once during the Advent season. Through song, this album walks you from Exodus to the birth of Christ in an amazingly thorough and beautiful way. This album is not just Andrew Peterson, but also includes many of his fellow friends and musicians (i.e. Derek Webb). Please buy this album tonight and remind yourself of the real hope that comes with this holiday season.

Please let me know of any albums I need to get my hands on.

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 5 "The Amber Pits of Gold"

Despite it never being on my list, there was one gift I was always guaranteed to receive with my stocking on Christmas morning. As much as I would love to say that it was some cool amazing electronic device or a collectable item that would one day be worth millions, my gift was a bit lack luster. As sure as Santa has a white beard, I was sure to receive the completely practical, plain and boring package of white T-shirts.

As a little kid, I would see these shirts and literally toss them to the side. They were just another crappy filler gift trying to get between me and the awesome gifts that awaited my unwrapping hands. Yet despite my total lack of emotional attachment to these undershirts, year after year they continued to show up. I never complained of course, because I didn't want to be that bratty kid that nobody likes, but inside I'd be thinking, "Come on! It's Christmas! Enough with the white shirts!!!"

Not another white T shirt! 

Then I hit puberty.... (Cue suspenseful music and women screaming in terror)

There is something strange that happens with the body chemistry of a man. (Insert snarky comment here.) An odd reaction takes place when combining the fabric of the white T with the secretion of the male armpit. It is similar to that which happens when you take your dog out for walk after a freshly fallen snow. For those of you from southern California who may have no concept of this pairing, I'll make it plain. Within this vast blanket of perfect white forms a spot of yellow. This spot then grows and deepens in color. In the case of the T-shirts, I call them, "The Amber Pits of Gold."

Oh, good Lord.

Single ladies! This is a warning for all of you who wish to be married. There is a good chance that even your most perfect and ideal man, whom I hope you meet and live happily ever after, will have some of the nastiest undershirts you have ever encountered. I say this to prepare you of the impending shock.

Here is my point. For many years, I mocked and sneered at that prospect of new white undershirts as a Christmas gift. Now, I welcome them with open arms... literally. I instantly transform from a disgusting slob to a Haines' model in seconds with the simple application of this gift. It does wonders for my marriage. It's funny. All this time I thought I was receiving a gift that I didn't want, when I was actually being gifted with something I that I needed.

Huh!? I wonder how often that might happen!?

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 4 "A Merry Movie List"

I think you'll all agree with me that one of the most important aspects of Christmas in our modern day and age is the movies. So rather than try to make some deep philosophical point or comical anecdote, I'd much rather give you my top ten holiday classics.

10. Scrooged - Bill Murray being haunted by Christmas ghosts? Fantastic idea! This modern (as modern as the 80's can get) retelling of the holiday classic is hilarious. Watching the ghost of Christmas Present (Carol Kane) beat the piss out of the cold-hearted Frank Cross (Bill Murray) is a must see. Plus, it ends with a sing-along.

9. A Charlie Brown Christmas - Good grief, everybody. How could I not pick this one? Charlie Brown is one of the most depressed and negative characters ever. He's the kind of guy that will tell you about the calories and carcinogens that are in the cake that you just ate. He is a total Debbie-Downer and it is hilarious! It has a great ending too.

8. Home Alone 2 - That's right! A sequel made the list, which sadly means you can already guess that the original will be as well, but stop being so smart and keep reading. Never before has there been a more perfect and inspiring union on film than the scene where Marv's face meets Kevin's bricks. Seriously, somebody call Child and Safety Services. These parents are unfit!

7. A Christmas Story - This one is good. I think it's Italian. (If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about.) This movie completely captures the small-town-Midwest Christmas scene and the dynamic of family. So good!

6. Home Alone - Listen up, you filthy animals! If you haven't seen this one in a while, do yourself a favor and rent it today before I pump your guts full of lead. 1... 2... TEN!!! Plus, did anyone else ever secretly hope that one day the pigeon lady and the shoveling old man would hook up? Just asking.

5. The Santa Clause - Tim Allen nailed it with this one. I loved it as a kid, but now I realize that many of the jokes flew over my head. It may have horrible special effects (I mean, the flying sleigh and reindeer look really bad), but I love it. I think I might love anything involving Judge Reinhold.

4. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Honestly, the top 4 movies on this list are pretty interchangeable. They are all excellent. The Griswold family won me over with this classic a long time ago when it was played on network television. Several years later, I saw the unedited version. Guess what!? Swearing makes it even funnier. Hooray for the "shitter" being full!

3. Dr. Suess's How the Grinch Stole Christmas - I was completely surprised by this movie. I was kind of done with the overacting ways of Jim Carrey and had no interest in seeing another Christmas kids movie. Then I saw it... I was so wrong. I laughed. I cried. I started looking for snowflake properties. Please see this movie if you haven't.

2. Elf - Who doesn't love this movie? If you don't than I'm assuming you also hate Christmas and love going to the dentist. This one also makes me cry when everybody sings.

And finally, (drum roll...)

1. It's a Wonderful Life - The big winner! Jimmy Stewart could read a phone book and I would be entertained. I can understand why people might say this movie is boring and too long, but these people make me sad and pray for education reform. Definitely a tearjerker and it also has an amazing portrait at the end of how the Kingdom of God ought work.

That's the list. Feel free to agree, disagree, or add your nominations. 

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 3 "O Come Emmanuel"

This blog is written with a heavy heart in response to today's tragedy. I was even hesitant to post anything about the lives lost in Connecticut considering it might be in bad taste to use such a moment in history to fill a quota for my "12 Blogs of Christmas" challenge. I post anyway, however, because it is in moments like these that I'm reminded of this world's need for a Prince of Peace. We need the words of Jesus to saturate our hearts and shape the way we live. Words like this:

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

“Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."

Why is this relevant for today? I think Jesus is trying to tell us that as long as we are people who get angry with our brother or sister, we have it within us to murder. It is a hard reality, but Jesus gives us some step to deal with this problem. "[If] your brother or sister has something against you... go and be reconciled," and "Settle matters quickly with your adversary." These are the words of one whose hometown was also a place where children were murdered.

So before we try to figure out where to place the blame for this tragedy, maybe we should ask ourselves if we are following the Savior's command to make peace on every level. May His Kingdom come and His will be done... we need it.

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 2 "You Better Believe It!"

"He's coming to your neighborhood!"

The holiday season always reminds me of that interesting matter called, "belief." When I was a kid, I believed that, once a year, a jolly, bearded, magical man from somewhere up north who was constantly taking note of my behavior would find his way through our heating vents (we didn't have a fireplace) and deliver a good measure of toys and gifts as a return for my conscientious living. I knew these gifts were from Santa because they said my name really big on the wrapping paper as opposed to the gifts from my parents, which came with gift tags. Sure! I couldn't explain how he might get around to every home in the world, but I continued to believe all the same.

"Yay! We love Santa!"

Now, I'm 30 years old, married, and live in an apartment. An extremely well lit and decorated apartment, I might add, thanks to the good people at the Christmas section of Target. It was with this wife and in this apartment that I had explained to me the concept that Christmas presents from Santa are the ones that are unwrapped under the tree. To this I responded, in all the maturity my 30 years could offer me, with "That's stupid! He writes you name really big on a wrapped package!"

As you can probably guess, this argument could have raged for hours. Maybe you even wish to weigh in with your doctrinal stance on Santa's gifting methods, but isn't it interesting how quickly our belief becomes complicated and loaded. Somehow, my belief in Santa became nuanced and different from my wife's belief in Santa. Now, how did we respond to these differences? ... We argued. I didn't want to have a conversation because I didn't want to allow for the possibility that I was wrong... because I'm not wrong... right?

Santa ain't afraid to throw down.

Belief can be stressful. So much for peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind.

But wait! Hold on a second! That's not the Christmas spirit. It is not our beliefs in Santa that leave presents under our tree; it's Santa who leaves the presents under our tree. We may not be able to understand all his ways and probably never will, but this should not lead to conflict and frustration. There is much good in gaining knowledge and formulating opinions, but if we have lost the wonder, the awe, the magic of Santa and Christmas... well... we might have lost the whole thing.

It reminds me of this wise saying from a very old book. "Unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in.” He obviously wasn't talking about Santa... but he was talking about something. Something that kids get and adults forget. Something we old folks make complicated and void of magic. No wonder we can argue about "wrapping paper" vs. "no wrapping paper". There is not enough magic and awe to distract us and make us the kind of people who are infectious with joy and belief.

Maybe it's time we revisit the old stories and ancient songs as we hunker down in front of the tree and get caught up in it. It's time to marvel with goofy grins and starry eyes. Tis the season!

"We've got a little holiday spirits right here. Heyo!"

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 1 "The Red Nosed Redundancy"

"Good grief... another consumerist Christmas blog."

"It's Christmas time again," and I can't imagine how many blogs and articles across the nation have started off with that very expression. Lights are up, music is in the air, and people are shoveling mounds of sugar down their gullet like they're clearing a driveway of snow. Shoppers are shopping and family members are fearing that moment around the Christmas tree when that one uncle mumbles under his eggnog laden breath, "... freakin' Obama." YES! "It's Christmas time again!" As much as I would love to be original and not bank on the use of common phrase or cliché, I am at the mercy of the 12-month holiday rotation.

I remember always entering the holiday season with mixed emotions. When I was a kid it was a lot of fun and games... and presents! (Can't forget the presents!) But by the time I got midway through my college career, things were different. I certainly still loved the time off from school, time with my family, the food (and presents!!!), but I also felt a tension. As much as I loved my family, I had been growing and developing into a new person during my time away at school. I had been a leader of ministries and had the respect of my peers. Even professors were commending me for my work and for my thoughts. I was coming into my own, but my family had missed all of this. They did not read my papers or watch me go through trials and challenges. To them, I was still the eighteen year old boy that left their home in 2001 (yes... I'm that old.)

Do you see how my family smothers me?!!

This feeling of being "known, yet unknown" continued on into my mid-twenties. Thus, every time I went home for Christmas, I continued to struggle. I didn't like being 24 years old and feeling like I was 18 again. This internal frustration kept me from enjoying the holiday vacation and made me angry with those whom I love most.

"I'M DIFFERENT NOW!"
"Oh, Greg... It's time for a haircut."

Then something happened. I realized I have control of how I respond and perceive my circumstances... even at home with my family. I didn't have to fall back into my role as "youngest child" anymore. I didn't have to be who "I was." I could simply be "who I am."

You see, there is both a darkness and a beauty to the redundancy and cycle of the Christmas season. If we take the passive position and let Christmas happen to us, we leave ourselves open and vulnerable to the attack of the same bitterness, unmet expectation, and sorrow every year. This is the vicious cycle and the dark-side of redundancy. If, however, we take control of our responses and seek understanding, we can actually do Christmas better. We might even find that the actions or statements that would hurt and maim were actually coming from a place of love and can actually be received as such.

I strongly believe that there is redemption and reconciliation to be found in the redundancy. Thank God, it's Christmas time again! Although, we cannot control others and how they respond, within us a peace can be born. I pray we all find mercy in the 12-month holiday rotation.

Stay tuned for more of... THE 12 BLOGS OF CHRISTMAS!

One down. Eleven to go. heh! heh! heh!