What The Bell!?

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me... For my yoke is easy and my burden is light," (Matt 11:29-30)

Do I have any Food Network lovers in the house? Of course I do. How could you not love the Food Network? Iron Chef America? Chopped? If you don't love it, you are either way too involved in sports channels or are still trying to convince yourself that your life is better off without cable. On that last point you might be correct... maybe... but that is a blog topic for another day.

I bring it up because a few years ago I was flipping through the channels and happened to catch Rachael Ray doing her thing.  Now most of the time when I see Rachael Ray on the TV I have this overwhelming urge to say, "Hey! ... Just sit there and calm down..." (She 's a bit high energy for me.) Be that as it may, I have to admit that this woman knows her way around the kitchen and in this moment she was working with one of my favorite ingredients... the bell pepper.

"Yeah. Yeah. I said something nice. Cool it, Rachael!"

So fresh. So crisp. The bell pepper rings out with deliciousness and for me it doth toll. But this blog is not about bell peppers; it's about what Rachael did with those peppers. To prep it for chopping, she simply halved it then ripped out the guts with her hand! I KNOW, RIGHT?! MINDBLOWN!!! It took her 2 seconds!

All these years I had been delicately carving out the seeds and white stuff with a small knife while making sure I didn't get any of those tiny seeds on my hands and fingers. In that moment, it was as if Rachel had turned to me and yelled, "Come on, you pansy! Get your hands dirty! This is cooking, not ballet class!" And she was right.

"But, but... the seeds are tiny... and sticky... and... eeeee..."

What once was tedious and cumbersome was now fast and efficient because I learned how to do it properly.

So I go back to the Matthew passage I quoted at the beginning of this article. At first look, I see contradiction. A slow reading of the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5-7) will quickly reveal that Jesus' way of doing life is quite difficult. It goes against what feels natural. I am supposed to love my enemies, make things right with my adversary, give to the needy, not allow anger and lust to dictate my actions, not judge others and not worry about money, food or clothes... THESE ARE ALL THINGS THAT I DO ON A REGULAR BASIS! What is easy or light about changing how I do everything???

"Maybe if we switch sides..."

Why do you think Rachael Ray on the Food Network? Could it be that she knows what she is talking about?

What if the Sermon on the Mount was not given to make our lives more difficult? What if the way we are living life is actually tedious, cumbersome, and more destructive than we think? What if Jesus actually knows what He is talking about? What if his yoke truly is easy and his burden light?

What would that say about Jesus? What does that say about us?

In conclusion... I like bell peppers.

"Heyo! Ring-a-ding-ding!"

Bills! Bills! Bills!

"... staying... calm... staying... calm..."

I used to be a little hot head when I was kid. I would get so mad at some of the dumbest things. For example, do you remember the Buffalo Bills? I realize that this team still exists, but I'm talking about THE BUFFALO BILLS (circa. 1990-93).

How a young boy from Iowa would adopt this northeastern NFL team as his own is another story, but what you need to know now is that I thought this team was the freakin' bee's knees (just dripping with honey). Names like Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Bruce Smith, and Andre Reed may mean nothing to you, but to me... these were the gods of the NFL gridiron. It was upon these men's shoulder pads that I placed my trust. They were my harbingers of happiness.

Look at 'em! Like red and blue clad knights!

You can imagine my delight when the Bills destroyed the AFC conference and walked into Super Bowl XXV ready to claim their title as NFL champions. When they lost by a last minute field goal to the New York Giants, I remember being filled with so much anger I just paced around wanting to hit things. (I'm pretty sure my mother was concerned for my mental stability.)

"The boy is crazy!"

1991 rolled around and the Bills made it to the Super Bowl again... only to lose to the Redskins. In 1992, they stormed back claiming that the third time was a charm... only to be pulverized by the stupid Dallas Cowboys 52-17. Then, somehow, in 1993, the Bills pulled together what morale they had left and once again made it to the Super Bowl... to once again lose to the Cowboys.

"You're killing me, Smalls!"

See! Don't you want to punch him?

Each loss was punishing, but the 4th Super Bowl loss was more than I could bear. I desperately wanted to punch Emmitt Smith (the Cowboys running back and probably one of the nicest guys to ever play the game) in the face and blame him for all my pain and suffering. He was the devil!

Yep... I had issues

I felt betrayed. This had to be a conspiracy. Jim Kelly had failed me. Thurman Thomas didn't come through. Bruce Smith might as well have stayed home. And don't get me started on Andre Reed! They broke my heart, and the Dallas Cowboys still make me cringe. I was so disheartened that I never watched a Buffalo Bills game again... seriously!

Now, was all of this a bit extreme? Absolutely! I was a stupid kid who placed so much of his identity and hope for happiness on the outcome of an unpredictable game that I was crushed. The Bills played their best, but not good enough to win that day.

The funny thing is that if the Bills had won, my life would be no different. I may have been happy for a day or two and felt affirmed in my choice of loyalties, but nothing in my life that matters would have actually changed for the better. I realize that this entry was a bit random, but it seemed like a good time of year to tell a story about placing one's hopes and dreams on a team full of fallible humans... you know... because it's football season.

"Hey, Normy! I think Greg's trying to say something without sayin' it."
"Heh! Heh! Heh!"

Go... Sip Away!

You want to know what I love? Before you get too cutesy with your guesses, I'll just tell you. I love pop... or soda... or Coke... or whatever your location of America calls this bubbly, syrupy and tasty beverage. It is so freaking good! Just one sip and you can't stop. The way it feels as it crosses your tongue... it's magical! I am not kidding you; there have been moments in my life where a can of Mt. Dew has felt like I gift from the heavens. Just listen a freshly poured soda. It sounds like applause.

Yaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!! The crowd goes wild!

But despite what the more academically accomplished cousin of Mr. Pibb will tell you, soda is NOT what the doctor ordered. Soda is bad. It is so bad for you. It messes up your teeth and it's loaded with calories, sugar and chemicals. It's basically liquefied candy that somehow became socially acceptable to drink with meals.

Remember! This is not a health blog. This news about soda makes me very sad and even a bit angry.  How could something so good be so bad?! Yet even though I know how horrible this nectar of the gods may be... I keep sipping. I sip and I sip again. And then I get a refill. At least with beer you start to feel a little full after a while. With pop, a 32 oz cup can be considered a MEDIUM! Somehow you can just keep sipping.

... saddest picture I've ever posted. I'M SORRY, MT. DEW!!! 

On a related note (because I just love these spiritual parallels), I have also noticed how much I love to run my mouth. Doesn't it feel so good to start sentences with "Did you hear about..." or "Don't tell him I told you this but..." Then you get to bubble over with juicy details.

My words about other people taste even sweeter when I have been hurt by them. I get to say, "I can't believe he said..." or  "These people really need to...." Mmm Mmm Mmm! I just love the way the words feel across my tongue. I revel in declaring my judgments behind backs that I would never have the courage to say to faces.

"He said whaaaat???"

Well, we have another problem here. Guess what? ... Gossip and slander fall into that whole "sin" category, which is not good for you or anyone. Its damaging and toxic.

And aren't we hilarious? We Christian types love to rename our carbonated utterances as "venting" or "healthy honesty". It's kind of like how we slap "Diet" on the side of a can and believe it is somehow good for us. There may be a time and place for venting, but that should be with somebody who is trustworthy, wise and won't agree with us all the time.

The real problem is that these words and condemnations can actually poison us. Jesus even says, "It's not what goes into the mouth, but what comes out that makes one clean or unclean." He knew how these "diet ventings" show the character of our hearts, impact our communities and shape our lives. "Don't be dull!" (Matt 15:16). We need to quit this stuff and we need to quit it fast.

But it's not going to be easy. How do you not take a sip when you have 42 ounces of the juicy stuff right there in your hand? Well... come on down to Wallace's Pub, grab a beer and lets start by talking about it. Maybe we'll discover that this kind of constructive chatter is actually refreshing and won't leave you with a weird taste in your mouth.

Hear! Hear!