The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 11 "The Switch"

It's Christmas morning! The magic of the late night Christmas Eve service is still in the air and the long anticipated day is finally here. I sit up in bed, take a deep breath, stretch, and turn to look at the clock to see that it is... 10:47!? How did this happen???

When I was younger, the thought of sleeping in this late was ridiculous. How on earth could I continue to stay in bed when the reality of a stockpile of presents with my name on them was so much better than anything I could dream? I remember feeling like I was being punished because my parents had told me I had to stay in my room until 7 am. Once 7 am hit, I could not understand why my parents were acting so tired and worn out. Sure! They may have stayed up until 2 or 3 am making sure that all the presents were wrapped and under the tree, but 4 hours of sleep should be more than enough for the wonder of Christmas... right?

"Christmaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!!!" 

This was the story for most of my childhood Christmases, but then the switch happened. I'm sure you have all experienced it. The switch is that fateful year when you decide to forsake the excitement of Christmas for the relaxation and comfort of sleep. My first switch involved a four-hour swing. The year before, I had been up by around 7:30 am; the following year... 11:30!

It cannot be predicted when the switch will take place, but it will happen. But why does this happen? I used to think that it was because I was simply too old to get that excited about Christmas. I had matured. Now I realize, as I'm sure you do too, I'm not mature at all. The reason I stay in bed is for the same reason that I used to get out of bed so early. When I was younger, I actually had the power to manipulate when we opened presents. Earlier is better, so I would get up early to open presents sooner. As I got older, however, my powers of manipulation had faded. My older siblings had moved out of the house and there was no chance we would be opening gifts before noon. Thus, I slept in. Sleeping in meant that I could open presents sooner after waking.

Nice work, sleepy Gus. 

So if you happen to be feeling sad that you've lost some of your childhood excitement for Christmas, don't be. You're just playing the game better and getting your presents earlier in your day. Well done, Christmas sleeper. Well done. The Christmas Spirit is alive in you!

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 10 "It's Never Too Late"

The Christmas Eve 11 pm church service is one of my favorites of the entire year. There is this odd magic and peacefulness to the whole experience. Growing up in Iowa, my family had its routine. Most of Christmas Eve day was filled with either getting last minute stuff taken care of or sitting around watching movies. Once evening came, we would head over to a family friend's house for their annual Christmas party. This was one of those adult parties where the cookies are a bit too dry, the punch is good but not great, and everyone is spreading a substance on crackers that look to have no business being on a food table. The people were nice enough, but this was no place for a young boy. I felt out of place and awkward.

Then my whole family would pile into the jeep and head to the church. On the way, my sister would be attempting to convince my folks to either skip church or at least turn off the Manheim Steamroller. (You know it's true, Leslie.) Meanwhile, my dad's eyes were already noticeably getting heavier and prepped for his long winter's nap. I on the other hand welcomed this late night service with open arms for a few reasons. First, it was a respite from the cheese log adult fest. Second, I was guaranteed to play with fire (love those tiny white candles). Finally, I just flat out liked it.

The church would be warmly lit, while outside the snow glowed with moonbeams. The air was crisp and cold. We sang songs that I knew and that even had a minor key. (Who doesn't love some O Come O Come Emmanuel?)

My favorite part, however, was walking out into the cold, still winter night after having just sang Silent Night. Even as a kid, I could feel the magnitude of this moment. I knew that this was no time to be loud or annoying. I understood that this was a time to sit still and wonder. Somehow, despite the anticipation of gifts and the normal chaos of the holiday season, a peace could be found, a stillness was available and a silent night could be possible.

I think it was in this moment that I would be reminded what the whole Christmas season was about. That in the midst of all the chaos and all the hardship and all the pain a peace can be born and was born that would transcend any power or being that would try to crush it.

So, it is my hope that you are able to attend such a service. It is my hope that you would have such a moment. It is my hope that this birth we celebrate tonight, would bring about a rebirth in you and that you would find peace on this silent night.

12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 9 "Keep It Real... Unbelievable"

What a cute night for Jesus!

I watched The Nativity a few weeks ago and it was a pretty well done movie. The makers of this film did a nice job of bringing a reality to this story that Christians have come to know so well. Sometimes I think the stories of the Bible can seem so fantastic and distant that we forget these were human beings facing very real problems (i.e. "Somebody help me deliver this baby!!!).

So although I appreciate the level of realism that this movie had to offer, I was greatly disappointed by what was lacking in one scene in particular. Near the end, an angel appears to the shepherds and tells them of Jesus' birth. Then the shepherds go find Jesus lying in a manger.

I know what your thinking, "Greg! That's exactly what happens in the Luke narrative." I know. I know. The problem is that they left out a big part.

"Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests,'" (Luke 2: 13-14).

Where was the great company? Where were the praises?

Less of this...

... more of this.

I am all for us taking time to consider the everyday and realistic nature of what happened on the day the Jesus was born, but come on! You gotta go big on this scene. I need the skies ripping open to set the stage for a multitude of heavenly hosts to start belting their praises to God. I need major special effects and CGI. I need THX and earth shaking sound systems. Mostly, I need to remember that this story of God coming to earth is both very real and completely spectacular... very familiar and completely holy... very human and completely divine.

"For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace," (Isaiah 9:6)

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 8 "The George Bailey"

"Hey Greg... I want a big one!

Because this is a "pub" blog, I felt like it was fitting that I should share with you the recipe to one of my favorite holiday drinks. I invented this cup of Christmas spirits in honor of my favorite Christmas movie. So enough yappin'! Let's get pourin'!

This is The George Bailey!

Here's what you'll need:

1 oz     - Bailey's Irish Cream (because it is a George "Bailey")

1/4 oz  - Jim Beam (because George Bailey is played by "Jimmy" Stewart)

"Please, please put coconut in it... HOT DOG!!!"

1/4 oz - Coconut Rum (because of that scene at the beginning of the movie where little George says to little Mary, "You don't like coconuts!? Look here brainless! Don't you know where coconuts come from?"... Great scene.)

1/4 oz  - Peppermint Schnapps

2 oz     - Chocolate Milk (because peppermint and chocolate tastes like Christmas)

Here's what you do:

Combine Bailey's, Jim, coconut rum, schnapps, and chocolate milk into a shaker half filled with ice. Shake contents for 15 seconds or until arm is tired. Pour strained contents into a small glass. Drink and enjoy!

It should taste like a chocolate-mint milk shake with a little bit of kick. I recommend enjoying this drink while watching the real George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. After a few of these, your life will probably be feeling pretty wonderful.

"Hello, Bedford Falls... I'm drunk!"

Merry Christmas!

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 7 "Programmed to Fail"

When I was younger, my church loved to do a Christmas program with the kids.  Usually this meant that there was a telling of the Biblical Christmas story, intertwined with Christmas hymns, as we performed our best interpretations of a shepherd or wise man in our fathers’ bathrobes. For some reason it was way cooler to be a shepherd. Probably because they got to where a badass shepherds’ bandana and carry a staff. If you happened to be a wise man, you at least hoped to be the one who was giving gold. What the heck is “Frankenstein” anyway? And nobody wanted to be Joseph. Boring!

"Errr... Even Frankincense no want be Joseph! ... Errrr!!!"

You may have grown up doing similar programs. I’m not sure why I don’t see these happen as much anymore, but perhaps thats a thought process for another blog. The reason I bring it up is because this annual program was predictable and easy. Sure we didn’t love doing it, but at least it required minimal effort… until one Christmas.

The adults had gotten together and decided it would be a good idea to try a new program. This was a full on children’s musical about how a Sherlock Holmes-like character discovers the meaning of Christmas. Guess who got to play the role of Sherlock? That’s right… little Greg Wallace Dolmage.

"It's mystery solving time, punks!"

Of course I loved all the attention, but then I found out I had to sing a solo. Holy crap! Not only did I have to memorize a bunch of lines, but I also had to sing a song from memory with no back up! It was a bit stressful.

Well, the big night came and I was as nervous as a pony in a glue factory. The show started and I was actually remembering my lines and people were laughing. Then came my big solo. It was a song called “Elementary,” in which I explain how simple it is to discover the truth to my good friend, Watstein. With a voice of an angel and a heart of a lion, I stood up to the microphone and knocked it out of the park… is what would have happened if I had not forgotten my lines...

… awkward.

It was miserable. My mind was a total blank as everyone shifted uncomfortably in their seats. All that could be heard was the crappy background music and me mumbling at the mic. I thought my life was over, but the show went on. At the after-party (meaning the church basement with dry cookies and fruit drink). I assumed that everybody was talking about and laughing at me, but after a while I realized that nobody seemed to care.

Now, as I sit here recounting this story as a 30-year-old man, I can’t help but think that this horrible moment may have been one of the best things to happen to me. It didn't break me. Sure! My pride took a hit, but life moved on. I failed and I was fine.

It is a silly thing to fear failure. What better way is there to grow, develop, and stay humble all at the same time? So for this Christmas, I wish you all many failures that will shape and develop you into quality people. It's not rocket science... it's elementary, my dear Watstein.

"Way to bring it back, Greg!"

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 6 "Albums I Have Heard On High"

Thank God for D-batteries

I'll admit it. Once Thanksgiving is done and Black Friday is upon us, I am pumping the Christmas jams like a berry farmer in December. I unashamedly own over 30 different Christmas albums and EPs. Thus, it only seemed appropriate to share with you five of my favorite albums early enough before Christmas that you too can buy them and enjoy them as December 25th approaches.

5. O Holy Night Tour - Live: The Prison Show by Sara Groves

Sara Groves is amazing and this album is no exception. Not all the songs on this album are Christmas songs, but the sing-along with a bunch of convicts at the end just gets me when I stop to think about

4. Christmas with the Rat Pack by Frank Sinatra/Dean Martin/Sammy Davis Jr.

Just classy. I mean some "put on your nice shoes and fill a glass with scotch" kind of classy.

3. Harry for the Holidays by Harry Connick, Jr.

Harry is a stud. He puts a jazzy, southern twist on these old standards that makes me want dance and eat some gumbo with a Santa hat firmly on my head.

2. Christmas...From the Realms of Glory by Bebo Norman

I hadn't purchased a Bebo Norman album in years. I was kind of over the whole Christian music scene, but I decided to give this album a shot and I am glad that I did. His mix of originals and remakes are sure to get you in the mood for both church and Christmas trees. Well done, Bebo. Well done.

1. Behold the Lamb of God by Andrew Peterson

For the last few years, this has been my favorite Christmas album. I make a point of listening through the whole thing at least once during the Advent season. Through song, this album walks you from Exodus to the birth of Christ in an amazingly thorough and beautiful way. This album is not just Andrew Peterson, but also includes many of his fellow friends and musicians (i.e. Derek Webb). Please buy this album tonight and remind yourself of the real hope that comes with this holiday season.

Please let me know of any albums I need to get my hands on.

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Part 5 "The Amber Pits of Gold"

Despite it never being on my list, there was one gift I was always guaranteed to receive with my stocking on Christmas morning. As much as I would love to say that it was some cool amazing electronic device or a collectable item that would one day be worth millions, my gift was a bit lack luster. As sure as Santa has a white beard, I was sure to receive the completely practical, plain and boring package of white T-shirts.

As a little kid, I would see these shirts and literally toss them to the side. They were just another crappy filler gift trying to get between me and the awesome gifts that awaited my unwrapping hands. Yet despite my total lack of emotional attachment to these undershirts, year after year they continued to show up. I never complained of course, because I didn't want to be that bratty kid that nobody likes, but inside I'd be thinking, "Come on! It's Christmas! Enough with the white shirts!!!"

Not another white T shirt! 

Then I hit puberty.... (Cue suspenseful music and women screaming in terror)

There is something strange that happens with the body chemistry of a man. (Insert snarky comment here.) An odd reaction takes place when combining the fabric of the white T with the secretion of the male armpit. It is similar to that which happens when you take your dog out for walk after a freshly fallen snow. For those of you from southern California who may have no concept of this pairing, I'll make it plain. Within this vast blanket of perfect white forms a spot of yellow. This spot then grows and deepens in color. In the case of the T-shirts, I call them, "The Amber Pits of Gold."

Oh, good Lord.

Single ladies! This is a warning for all of you who wish to be married. There is a good chance that even your most perfect and ideal man, whom I hope you meet and live happily ever after, will have some of the nastiest undershirts you have ever encountered. I say this to prepare you of the impending shock.

Here is my point. For many years, I mocked and sneered at that prospect of new white undershirts as a Christmas gift. Now, I welcome them with open arms... literally. I instantly transform from a disgusting slob to a Haines' model in seconds with the simple application of this gift. It does wonders for my marriage. It's funny. All this time I thought I was receiving a gift that I didn't want, when I was actually being gifted with something I that I needed.

Huh!? I wonder how often that might happen!?